I think that I am pretty good at most aspects of my writing but the thing that I think I need to work on most in my writing is two things. Firstly the vocabulary and phrases that I use in my writing need to be more original and need to make more of an impact on what I am writing. Secondly I need to work on my punctuation especially my commas and where I need to use them for my sentence to make sense.
Recently I have started reading the Hunger Games series as most of my friends have read it and have said how great a book it is so I decided to give it a try and I have really enjoyed the first book. Now I am moving forward onto the second book and really hoping for it to be as good as the first.
The bright and vibrant colours of the text will immediately make a strong visual impact on the readers and will entice them to go out and buy the four different coloured tubes of Lypsyl. The use of the girls of the same age of the teenage girls reading this is very effective as it represents the joy of the possible future for some lucky girls who buy these tubes of Lypsyl and win the jackpot prize.
The advertisement is structured in a clear concise manner which makes the article easily digestible and provides and eye catching representation of the main article. The important parts of the article such as a VIP weekend and the 20 percent off coupon which will also make the girls want the buy the Lypsyl as it not only reduces price but also allows you the chance to win the competition.
The choice of font size is very effective because the things that the magazine do not want you to see are in the smaller fonts and the things in the big font are the eye catching positives of what Lypsyl will bring you.
Therefore overall I think that the magazine is very cheesy but the cheesiness is what draws in the people who read the magazine.
Feedback:
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Name of person who marked |
Their feedback |
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Harry Curtis |
There was no spelling mistakes, however the line ‘The use of the girls of the same age of the teenage girls’ is hard to comprehend. It was very creative and cleverly written. He went into a lot of detail therefore he discovered many devices that are hard to spot without taking a long hard look.It was very creative and cleverly written. He went into a lot of detail therefore he discovered many devices that are hard to spot without taking a long hard look. He was detailed when discussing how the reader can be attracted to the advert and how the advert uses certain devices to exploit the teenagers weaknesses, for example their love of shopping. The use of the girls of the same age of the teenage girls’ is hard to comprehend. A |
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Name of person who marked |
their feedback |
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Claudia Papke |
All of his spelling was correct and as was his punctuation, he used a few slang words but they were still correctly spelt. I do think it stood out from others that I read as he uses more teenage terms in some cases which links to the magazine but he then justifies the “cheesy terms” with a complexed discussion. In one phrase he used the same two words “of the” three times in one sentence. Even though only a few presentational devices were spotted, he discussed them in depth and gave a wide variety of in-depth justifications. Yes, all of his phrases made sense however, In one phrase he used the same two words “of the” three times in one sentence. A- |
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Person who marked |
Feedback |
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Lizzie Borg |
Over all the spelling and punctuation was clear and correct in this piece of work, and it was clearly portrayed in 4 paragraphs. I think it was quite creative and original but can be more. He needs to be able to expand more on his sentences. Ben did spot the presentational devices and wrote the effect about them, but he just needs to expand more on them and write about the target audience. Some of the phrases just didnt make sense as he used the two words ‘of the’ 3 times in one sentence therefore leading in a lot of it not making sense. B |
I have found the first few chapters of 1984 a really good opening to the book and has made me get into the book immediately. It immediately introduces the ‘Big Brother’ and how they are never allowed to do anything without being watched and also he introduces the character of Winston ( the main character). We see straight away that nobody likes him and he is a bit of a loner. From these first few chapters we can tell that live was very grim back then from the cold day and the smell of boiled cabbage when he walks into the flats. His country are also at war so there are also bombs dropping on them and that will lower morale in the country. Also the fact that the government is lying to the people about how the war is going to make people happier and less frightened. Overall I think this is a good start to the book and is slowly developing.
Benfica fans hurl racist monkey chants toward the porto striker Hulk on numerous occasions during the match caught on camera
I chose to do my essay on Racism in football and how we could stop it. I chose to do this topic because I am generally interested in this topic and therefore I thought that I could express my strong opinions. In my powerpoint presentation I focused on Sepp Blatter and how awful he has been and also on the racist fans and what we should do to them. This is something I feel very strongly about as I really do not like fans who think people are different just because of the colour of there skin. I chose the example of some fans doing racist monkey chants to Hulk when he was playing for Porto.
I really liked this short story because of the mysteries it leaves you with and forces you to think about what is going to happen and what is happening. I also really like the form it is done in and how he has had it come out at different times. This creates the effect of having a cliffhanger ending on each end of the scene and makes you want to read on. I also like the way the author also brings in a bit of science into the story but keeps it so that it doesn’t become overwhelmed with scientific knowledge. It is also very thrilling and a very shocking twist to the story. 
barnarb 